Australian rules football: Bad language and bottom pinching

Aiming to transform the Australian Football League from gritty sports competition into wholesome family entertainment, league officials have endeavoured to stamp out the boys-will-be-boys elements of the game – on-field aggression that once gave colour is now strictly forbidden, with even player-to-player comments subject to scrutiny.

League officials were no doubt mortified by events during Friday night's game between St Kilda and Collingwood, with Magpie coach Mick Malthouse allegedly calling Saints player Stephen Milne a "f----- rapist" and Milne reportedly calling "Malthouse a 'grey-haired old c---' and Magpie assistant Paul Licuria, who also tangled heatedly with the player, a 'f------ homo'".

As if that wasn't bad enough, a Fremantle player will likely be charged with a much more physical transgression;

It is understood Ballantyne pinched Steve Johnson on the backside during a scuffle in the opening minutes of the match.

Perhaps AFL game should be broadcast only in the middle of the night when impressionable children are safely tucked in bed.