Toxic teenage texting

The teenage addiction to texting doesn't just screw up adolescents' ability to write coherently, it causes serious mental disorders:

- Textaphrenia: thinking you've heard or felt a new text message vibration when there is no message.

- Textiety: a feeling of anxiety from not receiving or sending any text messages.

- Post-traumatic text disorder: injuries related to texting, such as walking into objects by not paying attention to your surroundings.

- Binge texting: sending massive amounts of texts to build self-esteem among peers.

Someone needs to come up with a name for academics who do bulls**t research.