TOO FAT TO FIGHT

On its FAQ page CalorieLab describes its mission:

CalorieLab provides a simple way for people on a diet to search for the calorie and other macronutrient content of various American foods measured...

The site also provides nutrition news, mixed with leftist politics:

According to the Associated Press, at least one National Guardsman, fed up with the notion of endless tours of extended duty in the Desert Bog, has gone on a weight-gaining diet to ensure that when he is again called up, he will fail the physical based on obesity.

It’s a dicey price to pay, and a debatable balancing act between short term (but possibly life-saving) gain and long term (overall health and longevity) loss.

But a few things can almost certainly be concluded from this news item.

One, if this fattening your way out of Iraq ploy works, it is going to become rampant among American reserve forces and National Guards. Buy your Dunkin’ Donuts stock now.

Two, as increasing numbers of Iraqophobic American enlisted personnel pursue this option, an entire industry will emerge to aid them, from maximum-calorie specialty foods to sloth-and-satiation spas. “Fat Farms” may take on an ironic new meaning.

Three, zealously hawkish politicians and talk radio folk will accuse anyone in the military who experiences a weight gain of more than 20 percent of “aiding al-Qaeda.”

“If you have that second helping,” they will proclaim, “it means the terrorists have won.”

Soldiers wanting to avoid combat should try the quadruple bypass burger with flatliner fries.