P. J. O'ROURKE INTERVIEW

O'Rourke on Presidents past and present:

KERRY O'BRIEN: Jimmy Carter?

P J O'ROURKE: Jimmy Carter! Jimmy Carter was - he still - he remains to this day America's most ex of ex-presidents. You just can't believe that we elected this doofus. He was a bright enough guy and sort of well meaning. But he was about as prepared to be President of the United States as your goofy old uncle, you know, the one that memorises baseball statistics. He just wasn't there.

KERRY O'BRIEN: Bill Clinton.

P J O'ROURKE: Yeah. You know, I'm sure you've got the type in Australia - a very recognisable American type and I'm sure you have an equivalent. He's the Carny Barker, you know, just an absolute sleazeball - brilliant sleazeball. I grew up in the car business. My family had a Buick dealership in Toledo, Ohio. And if we could've hired Bill, I wouldn't be talking to you on television, I'd be on my yacht in the Mediterranean we would be so rich.

KERRY O'BRIEN: Barack Obama.

P J O'ROURKE: Well, early days. Too soon to tell. I mean, he's a little bit of a Harvard know-it-all. One of these people that, you know - they have a different kind of bull session at Harvard than at the kind of college I went to. You know, instead of sitting up drinking beer and talking about girls, they redesign health care for America and the world. They talk about GATT tariffs and UN resolutions. And these guys have got it all figured out, you know. And you know, one great thing about not being so smart is that at least you know you don't have it all figured out. If you're as smart as Obama is, you're so smart that you may think that you have it all figured out. And, you know, one thing you know when you get over 60 that guys Obama's age don't know yet is: ain't nobody got it figured out.

With reference to O'Rourke's recent cancer diagnosis:

KERRY O'BRIEN: So no change of priorities in your life. I guess this brush with death could be God giving you one last chance to be a Democrat.

P J O'ROURKE: Oh, he wouldn't do that. You know, my theory of long standing: God's a Republican; Santa Claus is a Democrat.

Here's the full quote for those unfamiliar with O'Rourke's Parliament of Whores:

I have only one firm belief about the American political system, and that is this: God is a Republican and Santa Claus is a Democrat.

God is an elderly or, at any rate, middle-aged male, a stern fellow, patriarchal rather than paternal and a great believer in rules and regulations. He holds men strictly accountable for their actions. He has little apparent concern for the material well-being of the disadvantaged. He is politically connected, socially powerful and holds the mortgage on literally everything in the world. God is difficult. God is unsentimental. It is very hard to get into God's heavenly country club.

Santa Claus is another matter. He's cute. He's nonthreatening. He's always cheerful. And he loves animals. He may know who's been naughty and who's been nice, but he never does anything about it. He gives everyone everything they want without thought of a quid pro quo. He works hard for charities, and he's famously generous to the poor. Santa Claus is preferable to God in every way but one: There is no such thing as Santa Claus.

The interview transcript is here – there's a video link in the right sidebar.