Yearly southern ocean chase about to begin

Back in 2008 ruthless Japanese whalers became so upset at Sea Shepherd's harassment that they shot Captain Paul Watson, the lucky victim saved by his Kevlar vest and the 007 badge (no joke) he was wearing. Without these obstructions he would certainly be dead, the bullet heading, as it was, straight for his heart. Doubt this, do you? There is proof, incontrovertible proof, in the form of a video and still pictures.

Both teams have been preparing over the southern hemisphere winter: Japanese whalers and coast-guard-men sharpening their flash-bang throwing by practicing with professional baseballers (unconfirmed rumours report elite snipers spending hours with US Marines on Okinawa practicing head shots - those damn Americans); while the Sea Sheperders busily emptied beer bottles (glug, glug) for filling with butter left out in the sun to ripen, and perfected feigning injury. With both teams fully prepped and raring to go it should prove an interesting, if not entertaining, competition.

But really, all of this chasing around at sea and throwing projectiles ship-to-ship is getting old. The Japanese took a step in the right direction last season by introducing flash-bangs and sonic weapons but it's not like that produced anything much worth watching. Something entirely new needs to be added, like maybe paintball guns firing pepper-spray filled projectiles or a couple of those Taser shotguns:

Captain Wilson flopping around the deck screaming "make it stop" would be a lot more entertaining than video of a "bullet" being retrieved from his vest and flying butter bottles.

Rocket propelled grenades would be fun to watch but we don't want anyone getting hurt, now do we?