Monday, April 23, 2007


Sheryl Crow hasn't been just kicking back and relaxing between Earth-saving concert gigs. Nope, she's been using her brain:
I have spent the better part of this tour trying to come up with easy ways for us all to become a part of the solution to global warming. Although my ideas are in the earliest stages of development, they are, in my mind, worth investigating. One of my favorites is in the area of conserving trees which we heavily rely on for oxygen. I propose a limitation be put on how many sqares of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting. Now, I don't want to rob any law-abiding American of his or her God-given rights, but I think we are an industrious enough people that we can make it work with only one square per restroom visit, except, of course, on those pesky occasions where 2 to 3 could be required. When presenting this idea to my younger brother, who's judgement I trust implicitly, he proposed taking it one step further. I believe his quote was, "how bout just washing the one square out."
If you have occasion to shake hands with Sheryl or her brother you might want to consider boiling your hands after. And I'd like Sheryl to try effectively wiping my arse with only two or three sheets of toilet paper after one of my classic morning dumps. I guarantee she'll only attempt this once.

Anyway, Sheryl is obviously unaware of napkins made from recycled paper:
I also like the idea of not using paper napkins, which happen to be made from virgin wood and represent the heighth [sic] of wastefullness. I have designed a clothing line that has what's called a "dining sleeve". The sleeve is detachable and can be replaced with another "dining sleeve," after usage. The design will offer the "diner" the convenience of wiping his mouth on his sleeve rather than throwing out yet another barely used paper product.. I think this idea could also translate quite well to those suffering with an annoying head cold.
Hey, why not maximize the Earth-saving potential with a multipurpose sleeve that can be used for wiping noses, mouths and arses? Now, all I need is a catchy name...


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ahhh, B-list celebs. Is there anything they don't know?

8:10 PM  
Anonymous DocBud said...

There would have to be a ban on vindaloo at the same time and Nandos would probably go out of business.

6:17 AM  
Anonymous Dan Lewis said...

Fuck it. Why not just use the tablecloth?

1:55 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It would be too awkward to drag a tablecloth to the loo...

2:26 PM  

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