GIT GONE

Considering how loudly he screams whenever he feels he’s been insulted, Melbourne lawyer Jeremy Sear is remarkably inclined to deal out the insults himself. The latest to face Jeremy’s squeaky wrath is Liam Sheahan, who removed trees on his country property so that his family would be safer in the event of fire.

For this, Jeremy labels Sheahan a “git”. Or he did, in a headline he’s since removed (to cover such errors in judgment Jeremy a while back arranged that Google would not cache his site but the headline lives on in his post’s URL). Perhaps Jeremy thought it best not to so directly insult a bloke who lives within easy driving distance and could – by the look of him – snap weedy Jeremy like a twig.

Anyway, Jeremy’s re-thought headline is “Liam Sheahan’s not one of Saturday’s heroes.” Lowering his yet-to-fully-descend testicles as far as they’ll go, Jeremy launches his attack:

There were plenty of real heroes on Saturday whose brave deeds deserve celebrating. Who put their lives on the line to save others. Who helped those who needed it most.

So why is Liam Sheahan being treated as one?

Answer: he isn’t, although his family probably regards him as a hero. Sheahan’s far-sighted move to bulldoze 250 trees cost him $100,000 in fines and legal fees, but it helped save his family and their house. Some might think this worthy of celebrating, but not Jeremy:

His bloody-minded I OWN THIS PART OF THE FOREST SO I CAN DO WITH IT WHAT I LIKE position, in which he obliterated any of the natural landscape unfortunate enough to be within 100m of where his house had been built, apparently saved it - in much the same way as the house having NOT been built in the middle of the bush would've done.

How many native gums surround the Sear/James love nest in Melbourne’s suburbs? Are there any within 100m or did “bloody-minded” people cut them down to build roads and houses? Jeremy then describes Sheahan’s removal of trees as “nuking the local landscape”. It’d look a lot more nuked if Sheahan’s house had burned down – like all the others nearby. Keep going, Jeremy:

Liam is like a man who buys a houseboat and then demands that the lake it floats on be drained because his family might drown. Or some arrogant twat who buys a unit next to a major concert venue and then demands that they stop making noise.

Nope, Sheahan is like a man who removed trees from around his property to ensure the safety of his wife and children. And it worked, even though it cost him one hundred grand. Who’s the arrogant twat here: Sheahan or the chinless girly-armed urban nancy who dyes his hair?

Seriously - if Mr Sheahan wanted to live in a desolate moonscape, why didn't he just move to one of those treeless plains north or west of Melbourne?

He’s cleared 250 trees. Jeremy thinks this turns the place into a “desolate moonscape”. Think about this, Jeremy: if those trees had remained in place, they’d likely be incinerated now. So would another house.

*For further amusement, read Jeremy’s cranky responses in comments following his post. Or just turn up here later, because Jeremy can never, ever let criticism be. He’s sensitive like that.

Update: Jeremy has visited a couple of times but is yet to comment. Hey, maybe he's finally maturing.

Update II: Poor little Jeremy is copping aggression from readers.